2. Pop your ears as you walk up hills and gentle inclines. Eventually, they'll go on their own. Make constant comments about how obscene the elevation is (800 feet above sea level?!) and how in the midwest, everything is flat as a pancake. Then tell a story about glaciers.
3. Every time you do something mildly respectable, like not slam the door in a stranger's face, comment on your good, ol' midwestern values. People will nod and whisper in agreement to their friends.
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